NASCAR Bible...Dang!

NASCAR Bible makes me think of this...

"Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers." Ricky Bobby

"I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger." Cal Naughton, Jr

"I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, there's something special about him.." Cal Naughton, Jr

"I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life." Cal Naughton, Jr

"I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party." Cal Naughton, Jr

"I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!" Cal Naughton, Jr

"[running around on the track in his underwear] Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!" Ricky Bobby

The Daily Show - Jon Stewart on Obama Praying for Divine Intervention For the Oil Spill

Damn, Jesus Really Was Hung On The Cross!

[click to embiggen, you really don't need to]

Controversy has engorged a Warr Acres, Oklahoma Catholic church over this 10 foot depiction of Jesus on the cross. Some of the church congregation don't see the god sized gland, while many others are anything but flaccid with anger at the sight of a Christ cock. Personally, I can't unsee a giant Jesus johnson!

NewsOk -

Churchgoers are outraged over a crucifix in a Catholic church that they say shows an image of genitalia on Jesus.

The controversial crucifix has caused a deep divide among members of St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church, where it hangs above the main altar.

"There are a couple people who have left the parish,” said the Rev. Philip Seeton, the church’s pastor. "There are people in the parish who don’t like it and have stayed.”

Critics of the crucifix take issue with what appears to be a large penis covering Jesus’ abdominal area. Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen "showing distension” — not a penis.

The crucifix is about 10 feet tall. It has been hanging above the altar since Feb. 21.

Monsignor Edward Weisenburger of the Oklahoma City Archdiocese also said he has no problems with the crucifix. He said the archdiocese has received no complaints about it.

Darryl. The kind of friend Jesus would have.

Click HERE to read a hysterical email exchange between an Australian public school counselor and a concerned parent that started over a permission slip that the school sent out for the kids to attend an Easter play.

Christian Side Hug

Because Baby Jesus weeps when two teenagers denim genitals touch! What's funny and scary to me about this real church event is that the kids in the crowd seem to love it and they don't seem to mind that guns are going off the entire time in this christian song. Guns = Good, PDA = Bad.

Glow Sticks N Crucifix

Strangely, I don't remember the baptist church I went to as a teenager being at all like this.

Sarah Silverman - Sell The Vatican, Feed The World

50 Rabbis circle Israel in a plane while blowing horns and praying to ward off the swine flu virus

This would be about as effective as slaughtering a goat mid air to ward off swine flu...actually, I'd rather be on a plane with someone that was slaughtering goats than with a bunch of old beardy men chanting and tooting on horns. But I know the real reason the Rabbis are afraid of swine flu...it's not kosher!

Virgin Mary came in a condom

...er, I mean showed herself in a condom.