Temple Tantrum!, Jesus Style

In Sunday school I remember learing the story from the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) where Jesus goes into the temple to "drive out the moneylenders", and he "overturned their tables" because he was furious that people were using the "House of God" as a place to make money. From these three Synoptic Gospels I remember getting the idea that Jesus was just making a calm, but forceful point. But how does the less taught non-Synoptic Gospel of John differ?

John 2:12-15
"After this he went down to Capernaum, he, and his mother, and his brethren, and his disciples: and they continued there not many days. And the Jews' passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting: And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables;"


"Christ Driving the Moneychangers from the Temple" by Rembrandt van Rijn, 1626

Wiki: A scourge (from Italian scoriada, from Latin excoriare = "to flay" and corium = "skin") is a whip or lash, especially a multi-thong type used to inflict severe corporal punishment or self-mortification on the back.


So jesus took the time to make a special whip that is intended to be used on humans, not animals, and it's purpose is to inflict as much pain as possible (remember the scene where Jesus took a serious beating in "The Passion of the Christ...that was a scourge). He didn't just slap some money changers in the heat of the moment, he actually made a weapon, then took it to the temple like the verse says. And this is the "prince of peace"?

This doesn't seem like the rational actions that an "all knowing, all powerful, all loving" god would take. Jesus should rethink his tactics before a madman follower, hellbent on world domination uses this passage to his advantage. Shit! To late, Hitler is a fan of Jesus' 1,189 chapter book, especially this passage where Jesus is using violence to run out the moneylenders (Jews).

"My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God's truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was His fight for the world against the Jewish poison. To-day, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed His blood upon the Cross. As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice... And if there is anything which could demonstrate that we are acting rightly it is the distress that daily grows. For as a Christian I have also a duty to my own people."
- Adolf Hitler, in a speech delivered April 12, 1922, Published in "My New Order"

How Much Coin is Your Child Worth?

God defines the value of human life in dollars and cents. Of course, to God, females are worth considerably less than males (50 - 60%) - but neither are worth much.

Males (20 - 60 years old) are worth 50 shekels.

Females are worth 30.

Males (5 - 20 years old) are worth 20 shekels.

Females are worth 10.

Males (one month - 5 years old) are worth 5 shekels.

Females are worth 3.

And babies (or fetuses) less than one month old are worth nothing at all.

Leviticus 27:3-7

"And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary. And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels. And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels. And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver. And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels."

I can't wait for my baby daughter to turn one month old in a few weeks so she can finally be worth something, even if it is only a fraction of what her little nephews are worth.

Some wise and moral teachings of Jesus

Here are a few pearls of wisdom.

• don't make any plans for the future (Matthew 6:34)
• don't save any money (Matthew 6:19-20)
• don't become wealthy (Mark 10:21, 25)
• sell everything you have and give it to the poor (Luke 12:33)
• don't work to obtain food, such as meat, because it doesn't last forever (John 6:27)
• don't have sexual urges (Matthew 5:28)
• marrying a divorced woman is committing adultery (Matthew 5:32)
• act in such a way that people will want to persecute you (Matthew 5:11)
• let everyone know that you are special and better than the rest (Matthew 5:13-14)
• hate your entire family (Luke 14:26)
• take money from those who have no savings and give it to the rich investors (Luke 19:23-26)
• if someone steals from you, don't try to get it back (Luke 6:30)
• if someone hits you, invite them to do it again (Matthew 5:39)
• if you lose a lawsuit, give more than the judgment (Matthew 5:40)
• if someone forces you to walk a mile, walk two miles (Matthew 5:41)
• if anyone asks you for anything, give it to them without question (Matthew 5:42)
• if you do something wrong with your hand, cut it off, and if you do something wrong with your eye, pluck it out(Matthew 5:29, 30)